Have you ever looked at your microwave and thought, “Wow… kinda cute,” or glanced at your bed and wondered, “Are we, like, exclusive now?” In Date Everything, those thoughts aren’t just passing curiosities; they’re part of the plot. Because yes, you literally date everything.
I love a game with romanceable options, so when I heard there were over 100 potential love interests, I poured myself a nice glass of wine and got ready to flirt with my furniture. Date Everything, a sandbox dating sim from Sassy Chap Games, is weird, wonderful, and has quickly become my favourite rom-com in game form.
A love story, or is it?
You begin as a brand-new remote hire at mega-corporation Valdivian, just settling into your customer service role, when suddenly your job is replaced by the company’s new AI bot, VAL9000. You aren’t given much notice, as you are informed that you have been “temporarily downsized” and are suspended from your workstation.
Whilst you only lasted minutes at your new job, you are contacted by a mysterious hacker, Tinfoil Hat. Tinfoil Hat entrusts you with a package via drone. Inside: a sleek pair of glasses called the ‘dateviators’. This is where it gets interesting!
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When you put them on, reality shifts. The glasses come to life as Skylar, a charming guide who explains their unique properties. When wearing the dateviators, everyday household objects become ‘dateable’, quirky, human-like characters you can talk to, bond with, and maybe even fall for. I was totally crushing on Volt, my electric switchboard, and my fridge, Freddy Yeti.
At first, it’s quirky AR romance fun, but as you continue, it becomes clear that the dateviators have a more serious origin. Initially developed within Valdivian itself, it’s revealed that Tinfoil Hat was once a company founder. Tinfoil Hat is quick to let you know that CEO David Most is on a mission to weaponise the tech and sell it to the army. What starts as flirty banter with your switchboard slowly unfolds into a deeper plot involving corporate conspiracies and ethical dilemmas. The contrast of light-hearted dating and a dark conspiracy narrative is part of what I loved playing.
Swipe right
At its core, Date Everything is a dating sim, but it plays a lot like a visual novel. Each day gives you five actions, and you can only interact with each object once per day, so choosing who to spend your time with becomes important. As your interactions grow, you’ll earn points that shift your relationship toward love, friendship, or hate. Dialogue choices also impact your personality chart, with certain traits unlocking new interactions.
Your in-game phone is your command centre. It lets you check your Date-a-dex, which is a catalogue of all the dateables, you can message people via Thiscord, and keep up with workplace gossip. And yes, the phone is also dateable!
I loved the Roomers app most. It’s a punny gossip feed that hints at undiscovered objects around the house. Tracking down new characters based on subtle clues is a fun mystery element, and I enjoyed figuring out how dateables were interconnected.
Despite the bizarre premise, the gameplay is simple yet engaging. There were only a handful of times that I skimmed through dialogue, because with some of the characters the conversation was mind-numbing. I guess we just weren’t compatible! The clever plot and relationship-building kept me hooked.
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Household beauties
The character design and voice acting are absolute standouts, every character is uniquely designed to reflect their original object. One of my favourites being Bathsheba, the bathtub, who lounges in a robe of suds and wears a gold faucet necklace. Radiating luxury as a bathtub.
Even better, the game features 100 individual voice actors, including big names like Troy Baker, Ashley Johnson, and Neil Newbon. I found myself regularly checking the Date-a-dex just to see who voiced who.
Final Thoughts
Date Everything takes a ridiculous idea and commits to it fully, with charm and quirkiness. With over 100 potential relationships, a layered story, and laugh-out-loud writing, it’s a must-play. That is, if you don’t mind reading through an array of conversations. You never know, you may just start looking at your household objects differently!
Date Everything is releasing for Aussies on June 18th (17th in the US) on PC via Steam, Nintendo Switch, PlayStation and Xbox.
Quest Daily scores Date Everything:
8/10
A review copy of Date Everything was supplied to Quest Daily for the purpose of this review.
