A decade ago, my mates and I were obsessed with creature features put out by Syfy Channel and notorious film distributor The Asylum.
For movies like Mega Piranha, Sharktopus, 2-Headed Shark Attack and of course the Sharknado franchise, we would get the whole crew around and have us a time watching these terrible, terrible pieces of cinematic history.
But there was one movie in particular that has always stuck with me.
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In 2009, back when video stores were still a thing, I pre-ordered the rental of an upcoming epic at my local Video Ezy. The employee assured me the movie would probably be available and I didn’t need to stake my claim, but I just had to see it on day one.
That movie was Megashark vs Giant Octopus. It promised the ultimate showdown between these prehistoric behemoths, check out the trailer below:
After seeing this film, even though it was absolute rubbish, I became obsessed with this dinosaur shark. Extinct for millions of years, Megalodon, or Meg, an ancestor of the great white, was a shark that could grow between 15 to 18 metres in length, and with 3 metre jaws this sucka’ could swallow you whole.
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I dove in, consuming anything and everything concerning this giant shark. From novels to more low-budget movies and documentaries – I couldn’t get enough. The fact that such a mammoth killing machine actually existed blew my tiny little brain.
Needless to say, when I heard Hollywood was finally making a big-budget flick about my favourite marine terror, one starring Jason Statham nonetheless, I was jumping around the room with excitement.
Then The Meg was released.
…I didn’t really like it.
I was expecting something a little more serious, like Jurassic Park, but what was delivered was kind of… dumb.
Even Statham couldn’t save the day for me.
But now with the sequel in cinemas, I was ready to try again. Hopefully in the right frame of mind…
Meg 2: The Trench
(Minor spoilers ahead)
It’s been five years since Jonas Taylor (Statham) took on rogue Megs in the first film, and his love interest from back then, Suyin Zhang (Li Bingbing) has bitten the dust. Leaving Jonas to take care of her teenage daughter Meiying (Shuya Sophia Cai). While also working with her brother Jiuming (Wu Jing) at his fancy pants underwater observation facility Mana One.
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Here they have the only Megalodon in captivity, Haiqi and also conduct deep sea exploration excursions into what is called The Trench, where there is all manner of undiscovered species. On one expedition, Meiying cheekily stows away on one of the submarines at the same time that Haiqi breaks out of her holding bay.
Turns out, she’s horny as hell and looking for some action and follows the subs down into The Trench.
Luckily for her, and not so lucky for our heroes, there are two more Megs down here for her to have some fun with. Without going too much further into it, an explosion down in the Trench makes it so this threesome, and any other creatures that feel like exploring, can break out up into our waters.
Cue the chaos.
The thing that never really gelled with me in The Meg was its tone. At times it played pretty serious, with a cool science undertone, at others like a thriller – and then it would go full dad joke. I found it confusing, and alarmingly close to what those dodgy SyFi flicks were producing. SyFi has an excuse for their low budgets and I’m sure tight shooting schedules. The Meg is a movie based on a novel and has Hollywood money.
What the hell was going on?
Unfortunately, initially, that carries over into this film. Awkward attempts at humour and scares wrapped in cringy dialog had me grimacing. Tonally, it feels all over the place, even when interesting stuff like walking around on the very bottom of the ocean is going on.
I was sitting there with my arms crossed thinking “Oh, no.”
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Things shift though when they return to the surface, Megs in pursuit. A returning minor character from the first flick, DJ (Page Kennedy), all of a sudden knows kung fu and is basically James Bond.
Get some.
From here, Meg 2 really finds itself and becomes the movie that it should have been all along. It gets really, really stupid.
And it is so much fun.
Once they lean into the goofiness everything makes sense and I was more willing to just go with it. People start getting chomped left, right and centre. DJ is pulling off ridiculous stunts. The obligatory Statham fight scenes are there and the scene that is showcased on the film’s poster, Jonas on the jet ski, is an absolute blast.
Slight spoiler, but there’s even a scene where a giant octopus comes to play and takes on the Megs (just like in Megashark vs Giant Octopus!! Dream come true!).
The Megalodons look pretty cool, but the movie doesn’t really focus all that much on them. Opting for human problems mainly. Boo.
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I would’ve thought they’d be the main event considering the movie is called Meg, but they’re primarily there for punch lines (or bite lines… I dunno, maybe I’ve been listening to this movie’s dialog too much, making lame jokes like that…). Also, I thought they didn’t take enough opportunities to show just how massive these sharks are.
If only they’d called on the goofiness a bit earlier, I’d be praising this film.
The last half of the movie is awesome, but the first half… Pretty forgettable. If you’re ready to turn your brain off and take in some Meg mayhem, you’ll enjoy this. But if you want any depth from The Trench, you’ll be disappointed.
